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Tell All > The Reality of Being a Teen Parent |
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Teens
Tell All about...
The Reality of Being a Teen Parent |
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- It's really, really hard. I've got to get up with
him during the night, then get up early for school.
My mother watches the baby during the day. But in
the evening, I've got to do my homework, feed him,
give him a bath, get him to sleep and get myself ready
for the next day.1
- What troubles me is when another girl finds out
that I have a daughter and she says "that is so neat."
A car is neat, an outfit is neat, a baby is not. They
take a lot of time and work. When you become a mom,
you become responsible (physically, emotionally, and
financially) for a child for the rest of your life.
There are no weekends or summer vacations, the child
will always be there. And no matter how good your
relationship was before you became pregnant, the father
will most likely have gone on his merry way. If I
had been better informed, I would have never had sex
in the first place, let alone a child.2
- Feeling insecure, lonely and frustrated.
Needing someone to love me.
So I look to him.
Thinking he can fill this emptiness inside of me.
Hoping he is the one.
How do I feel while lying under him?
Blinded by the love or the deep feelings I have
for him.
Does he love me or even care about me?
Is what I ask myself while giving him a part of
my soul, my temple.
Am I settling for less?
As I wait for him to show me some affection.
Once I realize how infatuated I am with him
And the fact that we are not looking for the same
thing,
It is too late..25
- Poem by a teen mother
- I got pregnant at the age of 14 and had no clue
what to do...people these days seem to talk of only
two or three solutions to teen pregnancy, although
most people forget another--adoption. It was the best
yet hardest decision of my life. I look at all I am
doing now and think where I would be with a baby.
I was not and will not be ready to take care of a
baby for a few years...Plus, the most important thing
to me is that my baby has two parents who love each
other.3
- Changing diapers, and feeding them, and taking baths,
and playing with them. It's not like you can just
say, 'Ok, I'm tired of being a father,' and just give
up. That child's still here.4
- I never thought--never in this life--that I would
be a statistic.5
- My friend just became a mom. She has no time for
anything else. She comes to school looking so tired
and run down. She leaves at lunch to go feed her baby.
Sure, babies are cute but they are so much work. I
know that now and I am more careful about using protection
when I have sex.6
- Get up, take her to school, go to work, pick her
up, bathe her, feed her. Then it's just the same thing
over again.7
- I got pregnant a month before my 17th birthday.
My son's father and I got married five months ago
and we're already separated. I live in an emergency
shelter for teen moms. I raise my son alone. My son
will be a year old next week. In his whole life, his
father has only taken care of him by himself one time.
He does not pay me child support...I have only been
out once without him. The rest of the time he goes
everywhere with me. I only get four hours of sleep
at night. I have no money because I quit work to go
back to school, and I'm not on public aid at the moment.
I miss my friends. I don't see them anymore because
they have their own lives. All I do is sit at home...I
love my son more than anything in the world, but it
would have been a lot better if this had happened
when I was like 27 instead of 17.8
- You sometimes feel as tired when you get up in the
morning as when you went to bed.9
- I reccommend kids just staying away from sex all
together unless you like waking up in the middle of
the night and early in the morning, spending all of
your money on that child and not having a dollar to
spend on yourself. Just because my parents and family
help me does not mean yours will. Think about it next
time you go to have sex- is it really worth the lifetime
responsibility for the 5 minutes of pleasure? My daughter
is the best thing that ever happened to me but I really
wish I would of waited. So don't make the same mistake
I did. Please use abstinence as your birth control
method.10
- People talk about welfare, getting money. You can't
get support. It's going to get cut off.11
- I am 15 years of age. I am 5 months pregnant with
my 2nd child. My boyfriend is 17 years of age and
has been behind me all the way. Even though I love
my son and un-born child, I'v missed out on a lot
of TEENAGE things like dances, parties, or just having
fun. I have 3 jobs now, and spend most of my money
on food, diapers, and child needs. To all teens thinking
about having sex, don't make the same mistake I did.
It takes a lot of time and a lot of hard work.12
- I could've been a cheerleader. I could've been in
pageants and homecoming queen. But I lost all of that.13
- Another thing that is so hard is not being able
to go out with my friends as much as I would like
to. Once a week just doesn't seem to cut it. I absolutely
hate hearing everyone talk about that great party
on the weekend or how they are going out of town over
spring break. It just seems that I am missing out
on all my childhood years, all the memories of being
a teenager. When my daughter grows up and asks me
what I did when I was a teen all I will be able to
say is 'I changed your diapers and prepared your formula.'
I really wish I could go back and do things differently.
I am sick of the constant worrying about how we are
ever going to live once we move out of my mother's
house.14
- You can say it's not going to happen to you and
keep on doing what you're doing. But I said the same
thing.15
- I don't want someone else to go through what I'm
going through. I was 17 when I got pregnant. When
I was 13, I was staying out until 3 am. I was going
to parties. I was having sex, I thought I couldn't
get pregnant.... On the same day my boyfriend broke
up with me, I found out I was pregnant.... My son
is going without a lot of things he'd have if he had
two parents. You need a family. You need to be stable.
I'm alone except for my baby.16
- I was there from the time my friend got pregnant
and the time she gave birth. And it just gave me a
real clear understanding of what happens and how it
can mess things up and how your life won't be the
same afterwards.17
- I don't get to do things normal high school kids
get to do. At 5:30 am, I get up, get ready for school.
At 6:30 am, I wake up my daughter and leave the house
at 7:00 am. Around 9:00 pm, I put her to bed. And
the next day it's the same again.18 --teen
father
- I always say I feel like I'm 40 years old. I missed
out on my whole childhood. That's it.19
- You have so much to do. I mean, they puke and they
poop--you have to clean all that.20
- I didn't think it would be that much screaming.
Or that he'd need that many diaper changes.21
- [Excerpts from a letter] At age sixteen, I became
pregnant. Before my pregnancy, I was a cheerleader
and involved with many school clubs. I had many friends
and was enjoying my teenage years. I now ask myself,
"What happened to me? Where did I go wrong?" Why was
I now standing in line at the welfare office waiting
for food stamps? Maybe because I was involved with
a guy who was three years older than myself. My parents
had forbid me to stay in the abusive relationship.
My answer to stay with this guy was to become pregnant.
I will never forget the tears that my mother shed
when my step-father told her the news. That night,
I left my home, my teenage years, and never went back...[A
while later,] I finally reached the lowest point in
my life. There I was lying in a bed at a shelter for
battered women. In the past, I would always leave
the relationship [with the baby's father], but always
return. That same night, I prayed for the strength
and courage to get myself back on my feet. That was
also the night that I left him and never went back.
Even though my life seems to be going well now, there
are emotional scars that I will carry with me each
and every day of my life. There is not a day that
goes by that I do not think about my past mistakes.
This letter is not in any way intended to prove how
teen mothers can succeed, but rather to prove how
one mistake can change the rest of your life! Enjoy
your teen years! I never went to my prom; I never
got to cheer at homecoming; I never went on my senior
cruise; I never went off to college. These things
I will never have the opportunity to do again, but
you will. Please, think twice before change the rest
of your life!22
- [excerpts from an email] Hi. ... I am an 18 year old mother of a one and half year old son from Indiana.... I come from a small town where everyone knows everyone. I was very involved in high school with Cheerleading, national honors society, church, sadd, golf, save and many other groups. I was your average American teenage girl. I would say I came off to be a very confidant young lady. When I started my freshman year i got a boyfriend who was a senior. First mistake. after 2 months of dating we started having sex. We used protection when we had it but other times just didn't worry about it. I don't know what I was thinking. Getting pregnant never crossed my mind because you know it can't happen to me. But it did. Since then i got my GED and started college two years early and am doing very well. One thing that really bothers me is how my son's father has paid one month of child support and has only had one court date and no jail time. Not to mention he will come and visit him once a week for about a month then stop and wait about 9 months and start again and then just stop. no phone calls to see how he is doing or if he is even okay. I just think it is crazy how these guys can get off the hook. If i didn't take care of my son the way i do, i would be put in jail immediatly and he would be put in foster care. It's not fair and our court system does nothing about it. Well i just wanted to write in my story. Right now I am becoming an advocate to teenagers about sex. I can speak from my own experience and help them. I personally think its hard to listen to someone who has not been through the struggles they try to warn you about.23
- I'm a 17 year old soon-to-be-father. I used to spend all of my weekends working during the day and partying at night. Running around, drinking, finding women. You know all that stuff I used to call the good life. Well, met a girl one night at a party...Long story short we started dating and found out 2 and a half months into our relationship she was pregnant. We had only been together for 2 weeks when our child was conceived. Luckily, I'll turn 18 a couple of months before my child is born. I've been trying to use the few months I have to learn what I can and get as prepared as I can be. My girlfriend and I already got the first step out of the way which is telling our parents. We had already decided to keep our child. Its taken some time to get mentally used to the thought of being a father, and I guess really I'm still not used to it... But emotionally not really, it changes on a regular basis. Sometimes I think I've got it all figured out, other times I'm stressed out and worried sick. I've spent a while looking around for information and I've been trying to find a good source for comments from other teenage parents and your site had many good quotes. It also provided some useful information. Thanks.
Endnotes
- Survey: "What Teenage Girls Say About Pregnancy."
Parade Magazine, February 7, 1997.
- Response from the online Weekly Teen Survey. National
Campaign To Prevent Teen Pregnancy. Washington, DC.
December 30, 1998.
- Personal letter submitted to the National Campaign
to Prevent Teen Pregnancy. October 23, 1998.
- Ultimate Choice. Atlanta, Georgia: Imagemaster
Productions. 1997.
- Ultimate Choice. Atlanta, Georgia: Imagemaster
Productions. 1997.
- Response from the online Weekly Teen Survey. National
Campaign To Prevent Teen Pregnancy. Washington, DC.
March 29, 1999.
- Ultimate Choice. Atlanta, Georgia: Imagemaster
Productions. 1997.
- Response from the online Weekly Teen Survey. National
Campaign To Prevent Teen Pregnancy. Washington, DC.
March 29, 1999.
- Ultimate Choice. Atlanta, Georgia: Imagemaster
Productions. 1997.
- Response from the online Weekly Teen Survey. National
Campaign To Prevent Teen Pregnancy. Washington, DC.
March 29, 1999.
- Ultimate Choice. Atlanta, Georgia: Imagemaster
Productions. 1997.
- Response from the online Weekly Teen Survey. National
Campaign To Prevent Teen Pregnancy. Washington, DC.
March 29, 1999.
- Ultimate Choice. Atlanta, Georgia: Imagemaster
Productions. 1997.
- Response from the online Weekly Teen Survey. National
Campaign To Prevent Teen Pregnancy. Washington, DC.
March 29, 1999.
- Ultimate Choice. Atlanta, Georgia: Imagemaster
Productions. 1997.
- "Voice of Reason." Los Angeles Times. August
18, 1998.
- The National Campaign To Prevent Teen Pregnancy.
(1999). Where Are the Teens? Research On What Teens
Say About Teen Pregnancy. A Focus Group Report.
Washington, DC: Author.
- "Teen Pregnancy and Parenting". Channel One Network.
October 21-22, 1997.
- "Teen Pregnancy and Parenting". Channel One Network.
October 21-22, 1997.
- "Teen Pregnancy and Parenting". Channel One Network.
October 21-22, 1997.
- "Teen Pregnancy and Parenting". Channel One Network.
October 21-22, 1997.
- Excerpts from a letter sent to the National Campaign
to Prevent Teen Pregnancy. (1999). Washington, DC.
- Excerpts from an email sent to the National Campaign
to Prevent Teen Pregnancy. (2006). Washington, DC.
- Excerpts from an email sent to the National Campaign
to Prevent Teen Pregnancy. (2007). Washington, DC.
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